What if...?

I thought I would diligently explore the last third of my life on a regular basis, but not just days, weeks or months have gone by.  Years have passed.  Am I inattentive?  Am I "too busy?"  Do I care?  Do I not care?  Perhaps none of that matters.  I'm here now.  Be here now, Cheryl.  Be here now.


Friday evening as I was leaving work, I stopped to chat with a co-worker whom I've known now for a few months.  He's about 5 years younger than I am, but he is clearly looking at the final third of his life also.  "I'm aware that time is running out and I'm looking for something that will make a difference."  As his voice trailed off, his words were, "Have I made a difference?"


In the short time I've known him, it's abundantly clear to me he has made a huge difference in other's lives. He knows that, but is he measuring his impact in terms of globally?  I suspect his desire is to find a cause to adopt and throw his talents and energy into.  It begs the question, though, "Is it enough to impact individual lives?"


I'm talking about another person only because his words reflect my own struggle.  I, too, know I've impacted individuals, but of all of the injustices in the world, the pain, the dark places, where can I bring light and change the course of the status quo?  Is it prison reform?  Human trafficking?  Restorative justice?  Art and healing?  Trauma and healing?


What if I come to the end of my days, and I haven't made the earth I walk a better place to be?

Small steps, big change

Today I posted on FB how much I love my yoga class and instructor, and how I realized that making a small adjustment with some part of by body created a big change in the posture.  This is a lesson I've returned to several times in the last 10-15 years.  My natural inclination is to do things in a big way, the all or nothing approach.  This approach probably doesn't work well at any time, but it especially doesn't work well in the last third of life. 

The first time I consciously remember this lesson was when a lot of gossip and negativity was being directed toward me.  One day, seemingly out of nowhere, a voice called out, "Take one step to the left."  Amazingly, one small step allowed the negativity to go zooming by my head, like a bullet  narrowly missing me.  The importance wasn't on "narrowly;" the importance was on "missing me."  Later I found that I only needed to move my head and neck and inch or two in one direction or another.  Another time, I was engaged in an exercise with a group of people.  We positioned ourselves in a sitting position without the chair and we told we would hold that position for 45 minutes.  Again, the smallest adjustment took pressure off an aching part of my body and allowed me to maintain the position for the 45 minutes. 

So, in the Last Third, we learn to conserve energy for the things that are truly important.  We learn we can make big differences, strengthen our bodies, minds and spirits by making small adjustments, small movements, small actions.  A smile or a kind word can change someones' day.  Kissing for 10 seconds instead of one second can renew our connection with our lover.  We have a hundred opportunities each day to make those small adjustments and improve our own lives, another's life and even the world. 

Occupy Vancouver/Portland

On Saturday I joined the March Across the Bridge, or perhaps a better term is Occupy the Bridge.  When Lyle and I first joined the group at Jantzen Beach, there were only a couple of hundred people there.  By the time we started marching across the bridge, I guesstimate there were 400-500 marchers.  There were a number of union members, and young people and families, but what struck me the most were the number of seniors who attended--those of us 55+.  They weren't just marching either: Many were involved in organizing movements regarding jobs, mortgages and banking.  The marches in Portland and Vancouver have been peaceful, unlike those in some other cities that the networks choose to turn into news.  I wonder if the number of seniors marching have anything to do with that.  I noticed on Saturday that the older marchers were focused and grounded, and were exuding a positive, upbeat energy. 

Notice how I keep saying "they?"  As though I'm not one of the seniors?  I guess some of that is because I haven't commited myself to a planning group. And the rest of it is because some days I forget I'm a senior.

I've Been Searching for Jesus

The following was written by my son who has given a lot of thought to the Wall Street events and is involved in the Occupy Movement

I'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR JESUS
by Derek Spence

... Like many other people in this country I have been searching for Jesus. I am sure there are many reasons people want to find Jesus but I must admit my own reasons are simply out of curiosity. I want to know why Jesus hasn’t issued a statement in support of the 99% . Has Jesus been affected by the economy? Have his activities been hindered by budget cuts? Has he lost his direct line to God because he can’t pay the phone bill. I wonder if Jesus is hurting as bad as the rest of us and why he has remained silent for so long. I wonder if there is a great evil at work and if Jesus is in serious trouble.

As I thought about ways I might find out about the status of Jesus I recalled a sign I saw in a photograph from Occupy Wall Street that said “Satan is running Wall Street”. Could this be true? It definitely sounds plausible and makes perfect sense the more I think about it. Now I wonder, if Satan is running Wall Street would he also have time to run our corporate media complex? Of course he would, who else could repeat the lies they tell with a straight face. I suspect there is a great evil at work and that Jesus is in serious trouble.

Now there is no more time to waste I need to find Jesus and see if he is ok. Where could he be? As far as I know nobody in this country has had actual contact with Jesus for quite some time. Unless, is it possible Jesus has been here and Satan told his media empire to bury the story? Yes, I am sure this is true and I’ll bet if I just google Jesus I can find someone who has seen him. After googling Jesus I know that there is a great evil at work and Jesus is in serious trouble.
It turns out that after all these years Jesus was living in the same town that I live in, but as of last May Jesus doesn’t live here anymore. Jesus was arrested two months ago and sent to a corporate detention facility where he was beaten and tortured before being deported. I chose not to notice there was a great evil at work and Jesus was in serious trouble.

Staying focused through writing

I am coming to terms with what I consider to be the last third of my life.  I'm grateful to have had the experiences thus far because the experiences, and more importantly the people they have brought into my life, have made me feel both wealthy and solitary.  I don't expect these last to be my "golden years," but I do expect them to bring nuggets of gold, silver, copper, nickel, tin, and perhaps even a  bit of fools gold. I want to use this blog to stay conscious on my journey.  I hope to share what I've learned along the way and to invite others to share their wisdom.  I want to stay true to the things that feed my soul.